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Sleeping with a Married Person? Here's How to End It...If You Want to

Posted by Odinaka on Thu 25th May, 2017 - tori.ng

If you are desperate to get out of any s*xual affair with a married person where you are the other man or woman, you'd find this article very helpful.

File photo: Ghanaian Pastor Caught Pants Down With A Married Woman On Her Matrimonial Bed
 
Many people are caught in relationships with married persons, and though they have realised that it is wrong and not worth the risks, they don’t know how to end it.
 
If you are desperate to get out of any such affair, here’s how to go about it…
 
•Pay attention to the person’s actions. When the person you’re in the affair with tells you they intend to leave their marriage, you want to believe them, says psychologist Alicia Clark.
 
You may not realise that this person likely hasn’t made any real attempts to break free from their marriage.
 
Avoiding reality only hurts you and the future you deserve with someone who can fully love you. Facing reality and your understandable disappointment is the first step in making yourself available for true love.
 
•Recognise that there’s a whole different side of this individual. Affairs are intoxicating because they’re built on brief, heady encounters, and they’re entirely free from the day-to-day demands primary relationships face, said Kurt Smith, a therapist who specialises in counseling for men.
 
That’s why it’s important to ask yourself: What’s my affair partner like when they go home to their spouse and kids?

“Affairs are built on fantasy, not real life,” he said. “No kids, no household to run. When you’re with someone who’s still married, you’re also only getting part of them because they’re not fully available, which means you’re usually only seeing their better side.
 
•Remind yourself that you’re worthy of full attention. You may savour the time you spend together, but ultimately, you’re selling yourself short if you don’t have their full attention, Clark said.
 
There’s even a possibility that carrying on the affair in secret has taken a toll on your self-esteem, leading you to believe you’re not worthy of love or a trusting relationship.
 
You deserve to be in a mutual relationship, where you can get your needs met without shame.
 
•Break it off in person, not through text. Ghosting is no way to end any relationship, let alone one as fraught and complicated as an affair.
 
To avoid messy emotional entanglements later on and gain some closure, end the relationship in person, said psychologist, Megan Fleming.
 
It needs to end properly so that the relationship you truly desire can come into your life.
 
•Don’t use vague terms when ending it. You may be tempted to couch your breakup language in vague statements to lessen the blow, but doing so isn’t helpful to either of you, said Sheri Meyers, a marriage and family therapist.

“You can be compassionate and considerate, but do not backpedal; give no mixed messages of hope,” she said.
 
Say goodbye and that you can’t see them anymore ― period, no exceptions. You’ve got to close the open emotional door between you and cut off all contact.”

•Resist any attempts to get back in touch. Once you’ve ended it unequivocally, don’t allow your ex to re-enter your life, said Caroline Madden, a marriage therapist.
 
“They may still call you and try to see you in person so they can convince you to stay. Fight the urge to see them again. Remember that ultimately, you are breaking free from an unhealthy relationship,” Madden says.
 
-Punch 


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