Photo credit: The Nation
Segun and Clara have been together for a few years. Clara is a trader and business woman while Segun is a banker. The both of them love what they do for a living and are very responsible people, however they don’t exactly understand each other anymore. The only time they agree on anything is when they have sex. When Clara wants to get Segun to listen she can only get his attention when he gets turned on. She is fed up and is looking for a way out.
This is one of the most interesting topics I know that may be obvious to some at the same time not obvious to all. It’s certainly not obvious to the sexually-satisfied because they have no lack in this area, but for those that their relationships are suffering and yet still consummate midnight gymnastics, they will understand the point of today’s topic which is that great sex is never enough. I mean what is the point of great and awesome sex, yet your relationship is like a living hell. Beautiful in the night (or whenever the deed happens) and terrible during the day. You can only have a sensible discussion during sex. Definitely not good enough and not healthy.
I will do my best to outline obvious signs to trigger your thoughts to know when all is not well. You may choose to not agree with me, but the truth is bitter.
Lack of compatibility
Do you know it is possible to live in the same house with your partner physically and operate as if you are both living in two different countries? Compatibility is very important for any relationship. You must know and understand, tolerate each other. The minute the both of you don’t have this level of being compatible in terms of being able to think and reason on the same wave length then you have a lot of work to do. Your brain frequency must align. You cannot be talking about one thing and your partner is interpreting it to be another time and time again.
If you are an extrovert and love sharing your thoughts and self with people, and sometimes maybe even strangers, to the extent where it seems you have no secret, your spouse may not find that funny and probably hate it. Of course, she/he may be able to tolerate it, but if it’s something they cannot tolerate at all and are not considering shifting for you, then that may be a pointer to being incompatible. The relationship may not last.
Too much chemistry
At this level, all you have working is your pheromones. It calls and you answer. It is the basis for your sexual chemistry and can help you operate at a high sexual level any day anytime, your bodies fit yet your mind does not fit. Chemistry for some is not a problem, it’s the reason why some people can even sleep with their enemies. Having some sexual chemistry and spark is great for any relationship, but it’s crucial that you don’t take it as the most important thing or even forget that love, respect, tolerance are basic ingredients for any relationship and not just great sex. It makes no sense when you both cannot relate, but once you see a bed you jump for it as if you are going for the marathon race in the Olympics. This will prevent you from actually getting to know and understand each other or to even discover if you are truly meant to be together forever.
Absence of communication
Not being able to communicate effectively or constructively with your partner is a major problem. Many couples struggle with this, maybe because men are wired differently and women think emotionally. It is a struggle even I had to and still deal with, after all we are all human and no one is perfect. Many of us even as adults lack the skill to communicate well due to impatience, upbringing, culture, tolerance and outright stubbornness. It is something you have to continuously work on. Once you can make an effort to work on your relationship, you will see things visibly change, a healthy relationship requires both the physical and emotional aspect, where you can truly unite with your spouse inside and outside the bed sheet. Too much of sex will not give you time to know each other and listen to what makes you both tick! Sure, communication about what you like sexually as per how you like to be touched and kissed is awesome for any relationship, but if that is all you ever get to talk about, then it means your relationship is for sex only and may not last if a timely correction is not done. You need to build depth in your relationship and this can only be achieved by proper communication not sex alone.
Problem of touching in public and thoughts of sex only
Some people love sex more than others. It is like oxygen for some of them. If you find out that you are always looking for opportunity to grab every part of your spouse in public not caring who is looking, then it means you need to slow down on the sexual energy a bit. It may point to you having a sexual dependency problem, where instead of appreciating your environment, all you want is sex. You need to ensure you have some time for fresh air to breathe and think. Go on real dates, if you ever feel that all your partner agrees to is sex and nothing else, then it’s time to start thinking.
The solution to end a fight is makeup sex
Trust me, hot sex make up is not a bad idea and not a bad thing with the right person, but there is actually a very thing boundary when it comes to overcoming an issue and sorting it completely for future re occurrence. So, if you’re not addressing the problem through communication, before having that hot sex, then this will be a problem and show a not too healthy sexual dependency., Just imagine when all you do is see each other in the night no introduction to issues on ground or moves to resolve or communicate and it’s just sex only. Or if you are dating someone and you only see each other when it’s time for sex, you don’t even know each other’s family. What does that tell you? It could mean that you’re not looking at the relationship from an emotional, long-term standpoint. Your are there to serve a sexual need. Signs like these show that the relationship exists only in the bedroom, if you are both on the same page then hurray to you both. But it is best to be sure if you and your spouse are on the same frequency, just be sure where you stand with minimal confusion to avoid a broken heart.
So what are we saying here. For sex only is not sustainable for any long-term relationship. One day, things will fall apart and the centre will not hold. I wish you all the best
Culled from The Nation