This is a hilarious article written by a Nigerian on a popular online forum under the monicker, Pascopele.
And thus, it is written in the bro book, that you are likely to encounter these women before you finally get married:
1. THE FBIs.
These ones. Bro, you can never cheat on them. Before you start cheating they already know who you will cheat with and when you will cheat, then act cool till the day they trace you and catch you red handed. They are quite smart. I give it to them.
2. THE DANGOTE DAUGHTERS
Just as the name implies, these ones, their fathers are quite rich and influential. They don’t even need your money. Just satisfy them on bed, show them your love and boom, they’ll be buying you gift as if you are in motherless babies.
3. THE “NO SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE” GANG. ALSO KNOWN AS “PLEASE STOP!”
This category is dominated by deeper life and some other Pentecostal churches members. Their favourite words when you are in the mood remain “please stop”, or “what are you trying to do”.
No matter how much you try to impress them, bro, you will never smell their bra.
4. THE EMOTIONAL CARRYOVERS.
You already know what these ones are like. They will carry the problem they had with their ex and hand them over to you. You take all the blame for their ex’s actions. Some are products of unhealed broken hearts.
This is why you should let your heart heal before you enter another relationship.
5. THE SEX ADDICTS
No matter how you try, these ones are never satisfied on bed. If you like hit from now till infinity, they are unshaken like Olumo rock.
These ones don’t sleep at nights, they’ll be crawling all over your body like lost until day break.
6. THE CHEATS.
Hahahaha. Wait let me laugh a little. These ones have uncles in every state in Nigeria and they have that uncle they’ll always visit during festive periods.
The password to their phone if well studied would look like the devils signature. Bro, don’t bother trying to catch them cheating, they always know what to say and when to say it.
7. THE FINANCIAL WOMEN.
Directly opposite of what DANGOTE DAUGHTERS are. They see you as ATM, you are open for 24hours and are expected to dispense cash to them on demand. The word “Insufficient funds” do not exist in their dictionary.
You can’t date these ones if you are broke bro, go and make money.
8. THE “JUST THERE”.
Is the title a little confusing? The girls are also confusing. These ones are just there. They will not contribute anything to the relationship. They are dumb. Not smart. And mostly uneducated, though due to the high rise of half baked graduates, girls with certificate are now joining them.
They are just there. No suggestions. No contributions. No movements. Just there like log of wood.
9. THE CHIEF JUDGE
These ones can judge your entire life into oblivion. By mere looking at you they already judged what your tomorrow is like. They already judged whether you’ll be rich or poor. They already think you have many lovers and you are likely going to cheat on them.
Where is that lady that said I look like someone that cheats a lot. Come and carry your sub here.
10. THE AMBITIOUS ONES AKA “WHEN ARE YOU COMING TO SEE MY PEOPLE”.
These ones are too ambitious. They’ll meet you today and tomorrow they are already asking when you are coming to see their people. Like seriously?
Is that how it happens?
Let us do some do first and see if we are compatible before informing village people, please