7 Reasons Why We Are All Living in a Man's World

 

 

 

While women are expected to grow hair only on their head. Tomorrow, it’s either Etcetera, Lynxx or some random Twitter bully dishing out tips on how ladies should shave the legs, privates, belly and armpits.

 

Yet these men practice opposite of what they preach. Hardly would you see any man without a savannah forest on his armpit. They think it’s manly and sexy.

And the only places men have neat kini are in p0rn movies.

 

 

It’s unfair that men’s version of period is what is biologically referred to as wet dreams. From what I understand, wet dreams happens when they orgasm in their dreams. If a woman experiences same, she’s bundled to a prayer house to be delivered of spiritual husband.

 

 

Men can keep their wet dreams but nothing would give me more joy than seeing men having a wet dreams cycle.

 

Let me be more precise. I mean the sort of heavy wet dreams stretching up to one week in a month, and nights that comes with waist pain, abdominal pain and wet dreams cramps.

 

Ladies, imagine walking into a store to buy a random item and seeing men shopping for Always Ultra for men, Gentlemen Care & co for their wet nightmare. Bliss!

 

 

A big tummy is acceptable for a man. But a woman? Even after 5 set of twins, you are expected to remain sissy. Now the new trend is to lose pregnancy weight 7 days after childbirth.

 

Do I need to go in on the pressure to keep every part of the body from sagging?

 

From the tummy, thighs and breasts. And even after wearing a N30,000 bra after childbirth to delay sagginess so society can keep quiet, our husbands would still come at night to massage everything like he’s kneading flour for bread and the next morning, breasts are back to saggy baggy.

 

And when are we going to start seeing waist trainers for ‘pregnant men’ in the market? When?

 

 

But a woman is termed as promiscuous if she’s had a body count of two.

 

A man would spend many years of his life engaging in insert and discharge with all manner of ladies in different continents until it’s time to marry at 42.

 

He’s celebrated as a hero when he returns to the village to pick a bride from a set of 21 year old virgins. Don’t you watch Nollywood movies?

 

The above reason is why I shut my windows and doors whenever I sing Beyonce’s ‘Who run the world’ .Who am I deceiving?

 

 

We are told to wash our kini three times a day. We are told to bath twice a day.

 

We are encouraged to change undies twice a day. We are told to wipe down there with baby wipes when we pee even when we pee 36 times a day.

 

Today it’s an article for women to wash from front to back; Tomorrow, its another health article to wash vertically and horizontally, to place the shower head on the ground and spread our legs over it while the warm water flows past our cervix and flushes every yamayama, to avoid any form of toilet soap while washing, to use liquid warm water with two drops of vag1na tightening liquid. Haba?

 

Brother nodding at this advice, when will you wash that boxers you’ve been wearing for three weeks?

 

 

In this society of ours, marriage is termed as the ultimate achievement for a woman.

 

Pastors would spend 15 minutes praying for ladies to meet their Mr Right and a short 56 seconds prayer for men to meet their Miss Right.

 

Pastor would say, “There are 28 girls in the house weeping for  a husband to call their own. Run now to the altar and receive it!”, and 88 of us would run straight to the altar crying. No one ever gets to call out the Uncle Gwegs in the house because marriage is not really a problem for men!!!

 

Today, it’s a supernatural singles breakthrough programme designed for women.

 

If only unmarried men go through half the pressure heaped on unmarried ladies. If a woman misbehaves, she is threatened with, “No man will put you inside house with that attitude.”

 

Sometimes when a man annoys me, I want to say, “No woman would follow you inside house with that attitude” but I hold my peace when I realise my statement would never make sense. It’s a man’s world after all. Or is it not?