Dr Amy Iverse, London-based performance coach says that it is not that tough to spot a disloyal partner. She says there are definitive warning signs an affair is looming.
“No matter how strong you believe your relationship to be, it is likely there will come a day when your partner feels tempted,” she reportedly told Femail.
Women can spot warning signs an affair is looming
Iverse explained that “Infidelity can be so painful, we often make ourselves blind to the signs.”
She said that while women may not be honest with themselves about an affair, they are intuitive and they must trust their instincts.
“We instinctively know when something is up. We have a sixth sense, and we should trust that,” she told the daily.
Iverse added that each relationship is different. But there are indicators that proceed an affair.
“If you are smart and informed, you might even be able to avert the affair before it starts,” she says adding that all you need to do is ask yourself five questions. They will tell you if you really need to worry about your partner or it’s all just fiction.
5 questions that act as warning signs an affair is looming:
1. What does his upbringing reveal?
A 2015 study suggests that children who come from broken families are more likely to cheat on their partners when they grow up. Similarly, a troubled childhood can also push people over the edge as a result of the need for more attention.
A formal or strict upbringing can also increase sexual curiosity and even drive sexual exploration.
A 2015 study proves that “Social factors or environmental factors also play a significant role in the development of adolescent sexuality. The attitude of the parents toward sexuality, parenting style, peer relationship, cultural influences are the important social factors which facilitates the sexual learning and decides the sexual attitude of the adolescent.”
However, Iverse suggests that none of these factors individually lead to infidelity. But, in tandem with each other they can indicate the reason behind a cheating partner.
2. What does his previous behaviour tell you?
In her second revelation, Iverse asks women to deep dive into their partners’ behaviour before they were married. Ask yourselves if he has had a previous affair. Was he addicted to a sex or dating app? Did he often go for a (happy-ending) massage or watch pornography?
Was he addicted to sex or does he have any peculiar fetishes in the bedroom?
She suggests that any of these are indicative of a tendency to cheat.
In addition, you can also find a clue in his social circle. If he has a close-knit group of friends, many of whom have a history of infidelity, he might consider it normal. His reaction to his friends’ infidelity could be an indicator as well.
3. What is happening in his life right now?
Many times, infidelity has more to do with what’s happening in one’s life than just sex. Ask yourself: Has your partner recently been given a promotion or has he been fired?
Iverse suggests that changes in self-confidence can result in increased desire of sexual exploration. Death can also act as an aphrodisiac. Studies suggest that the loss of a family member or close friend can bolster the desire for casual sex.
Esther Perel, an authority on the psychology of infidelity told the daily that the most common reason people have an affair is because it helps them “feel alive.”
“After a brush with death, an affair lets a man grasp life with both hands,” Perel adds.
4. Is he behaving differently?
Another indicator is an obvious change in behaviour at home. The excitement that one feels at the beginning of a “forbidden” relationship can change a person’s behaviour.
In such a case, your partner may even begin to spend more time obsessing about his looks. A change in lifestyle including style of dressing, colognes and even hitting the gym (when previously he ignored it) could become routine.
Remember that an affair also requires planning. So you might notice him taking calls in another room or engaging heavily on social media. These are definite warning signs an affair is looming.
In addition, if he talks too much about somebody in his social circle, chances are he has developed a soft spot for them. In the early stages of your relationship, he may not be planning an affair so he might discuss such things with you. This is your chance, advises Iverse, to be vigilant and stop him when you can.
On the other hand, ask yourself if your relationship feels different somehow. If he is showering you with gifts or attention or running away from answering some emotional questions, chances are he is doing these things to cope with the guilt of infidelity.
5. Has your relationship or anything in life changed?
Your husband’s infidelity is not about you. Well, not always. But sometimes, just sometimes, it can be.
Changes within your life , personal or professional can trigger this behaviour in your partner. The reason for most infidelities is the desire to feel needed. If you have been spending most of your time in the office or with your kids, or if you’re just focused your house and not enough in your marriage, it could make your partner feel neglected.
If there is a gap in your relationship, it may be used as reason for your partner to look for “love” elsewhere. So look within as well.
Sources: Fox News, NCBI